What Else would you call it?

When people ask, what I do for a living. I usually say that I am a freelance software developer and writer. while this is true in a sense, I have made money doing those things. The money I make from those endeavors usually doesn't amount to anything that would concern the IRS. I think over the last four years, I have made less then two thousand dollars from commissions, and contracts.

a dirty little secret

The full unaltered truth of the matter is that I am on disability and have been most of my adult life. the commissions exists purely to provide an occasional supplement to my income and as as a way for me to keep a hand in the software industry while I'm looking for work.

When people find this out a couple of reactions are typical. Most people don't care, they know I am disabled, they know I sometimes struggle to make ends meet, and my " dirty little secret" may explain a few things, but ultimately they recognize it's none of their business and move on. If the person knows how good I am writing software and writing prose they typically get outraged at the unfairness of the job interview process in both fields.

ableism manifested

But there is one interesting reaction that I want to take time to explore. this reaction is one of passive hostility, at first and if they continue to in relationship with me, This passive hostility will grow over time. There is also a dehumanization component to it where the person experiencing these this hostility, will gradually stop considering my opinion worth anything. Even on matters that directly concern me.

I even had one woman try to report me to "the authorities" for what I don't know, and then when that didn't work try to have me put in a group home for some imagined deficiency. When that didn't work as she expected she called me an overeducated slob, and walked off the job as my direct support professional. Apparently she found my political activities offensive, or something I really couldn't tell you. she repeatedly told me that doing what I do well on public assistance was " ungrateful". But this is not the only manifestation of such a reaction I have encountered.

I have also had people say I shouldn't work because it would jeopardize everything I have. People who vehemently suggest that, since I have been found disabled it means I can never work and to do so is fraud, and people who suggest that a regular job is too much responsibility for me because no company will just give me the money as the government does.

All of these sentiments as varied as they may seem are ultimately a form of ableism, and as this is disability pride month, let's deconstruct some ableism shall we.

Such ableism in my experience almost always occurs among the middle class, or those who believe in the middle class mythology. Those who believe there are rules to society and that if you follow the you will necessarily have good outcomes. I knew a PhD once who had views like this only to retract them when she attended a seminar on how poverty worked.

It arises from the belief that the government just gives me money in some fashion. That I do not have to work for it. Many people equate this with making no contribution to society. Which is another home myth that will be further examined below. But for now let's just examine what " just being given the money." actually looks like in practice.

the unaltered truth

For a start let's just come right down and say that in an ideal month I get $1200 in financial support from the government. This includes both direct cash support through social security income and food stamps. For many of you this may be horrifying, because it is not even enough to afford rent in some localities. My rent is somewhere around $700 a month. Where does my internet and other stuff come from you may ask?

Well I'm glad you did because there are several dozen government programs and services which provide additional money. But in order to get that money I have to spend almost 16 hours per week in meetings, on the phone, and writing emails, and filling out forms. This results in a 70% discount on my rent most months. And in practice it's even more of a discount because food stamps are not counted as income for purposes of this assessment. There is also a 50% discount on internet done as a mail in reimbursement.

You may say sixteen hours is not much work for so much. But keep in mind I am disabled, and working with organizations who although they are supposed to make reasonable accommodations, often take the path of least resistance and just don't. And keep in mind that messing up these "services" will result in me getting evicted, being unable to afford food, or my power being cut. And such services only keep minimally functional.

There's more

Until recently I did not own a computer that was newer than ten years old, and this was causing problems with my ability to do such paperwork as the government demands. not to mention my ability to get a job in the future, my ability to socialize, and a whole bunch of other things that I'm sure I'm forgetting.

And as we have discussed previously on this blog there are no government programs, that give computers to poor people. And private charity has in recent years prioritize children over adults, and prefers giving away iPads, over tower computers for reasons that we will not get into.

Computer side quest

To solve my computer problem I had to trade over 75 of professional service as a software engineer, and embedded systems designer. To a fellow autistic person who needed a laptop capable of connecting with terrestrial radio. Which also emulated look and feel of computer user interfaces from thirty years ago. CDE in all its glory basically.

And involve a third party charity in the transaction to make sure none of us got in trouble with the government in any way. All to be able to afford a five year old refurbished computer. My dad even had to do some of the refurbishments.

When all was said and done I made less than half minimum wage on this deal, but my primary goal was to help out a friend. And I am constantly doing such things, not the computer things specifically.

<Greg> For example there is a clothing allowance, originally designed for children. That is capped at $200 a year. For a child this may be helpful, but for a plus size disabled adult, with the social conscience and unusual needs in clothing. This is practically nothing, I have to scout thrift stores ty sellers ebay and other obscure places to make my wardrobe fit this budget. this is to say nothing of the fact that the two hundred dollars is payable through reimbursement, and my wardrobe must be acquired gradually over the course of the year.

How is what I do every day to survive not a job? But perhaps the ableist will still be stuck on the perception that I make no meaningful contribution to society?

Contributing to society

My week started with a friend who was in something of a panic, about what if he died before his parents. He thought that they would bury him in a dress and under the wrong name. Which tears were well founded, next of kin has all sorts of rights in this society by default. But this is only the default, there are fairly easy ways to give these rights to another person. If you don't like your birth family, and marriage of convenience is usually not required. Nonetheless it is shocking how many people in the queer community do not know their rights in this regard or how to exercise them.

Since no one appeared online, who knew this vital information I had to summarize it in a mastodon post. Which has a character limit of 5000, double check my sources and everything. To give aid and comfort to my friend as well as anyone else who was watching in conversation.

Over the last week I have done trainings for both Microsoft philanthropy and my church for various things, written content for my church's disability pride celebration, volunteered to organize a book club, started work on preparing a public comment for my county's library board, perform moderation duties for a community of disabled people providing peer support on various topics related to sexuality, and this was all before close of business on Wednesday.

<Iggy> I defy you to name anyone who has made more of a contribution to society in the past four days. now that I have dispelled the myth of me being an idle poor person, perhaps you will listen to what I have to say next.

The Intersection of Internalized Capitalist Ideology and Ableism

just because I don't draw a paycheck for what I do does not mean it's less valuable. Just because my survival responsibilities don't look like yours doesn't mean it is any less after responsibility. Just because I have to use direct support professionals, to meet some of these responsibilities doesn't mean that I don't meet them.

Capitalism victimizes everybody, me and you. You need to let go of the perception that just because you get money for your labor and I am paid back in other ways this makes you superior. Instead of being jealous or envious of my life, feelings which I hope to have dispelled imagine if everyone had the opportunity to work in jobs that held meaning for them instead of being coerced by " market forces" to do the jobs they don't want.

I assure you that there would be people who would do janitorial work Monday through Friday with a smile on their face if they could work without financial stress and in the community that respected their labor.

I assure you people would work the fast food counter with a song in their hearts if it meant they had more time with their families.

My disability gives me the freedom to work for a better world for all. My only regret is I spent nearly five years lamenting what I didn't have rather than seeing the freedom for what it was and embracing it.

I have repented of this error and try to do what I may everyday to build a better world for all, this makes me happy. It gives me the freedom to apply to only jobs that I believe will make a difference in the world, rather than every job indiscriminately.

How about instead of denigrating what I've managed to achieve, fight for a better world for everyone. Capitalism Victimizes Everybody after all.